Hey, Y’all! I cannot believe that I am about to be 29 years old on December 5th. This will officially be my last year in my 20’s and I’ll be the big 3-0. My, my I am getting up there in age. As I reflect on my 20’s, I can say that it has been a journey. It has definitely been a learning experience. Although it wasn’t perfect, I am finally at a place where I am thankful for my lane and journey. It has taught me so much about myself, about people, and most importantly, about life. Let’s reflect on my 20’s for a minute, shall we?
Well, it started with me going to college even though I had plans of going to dance school to dance and act on Broadway in New York City. I ended up attending a 4-Year Institution that I had no idea existed (well I found out what it was after my best friend stated she was going there) Overall, I made the best of my college experience even though it wasn’t perfect at times. Umm, I had my first drink my sophomore year. Oh, I made good friends. I was active and involved in extra-curricular activities. I became a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha, Sorority, Incorporated. Yes, I have a Bachelor’s degree even though I had no intentions of going to college.
I took a leap of faith and moved to New York City to finally pursue my acting and dancing career. Although it didn’t work out, at least I tried. After hitting rock bottom, I got closer to God and started living for him in 2012. Since then, my life hasn’t been the same, in a good way (even though I am still a work in progress). I met the love of my life when I was 23, married him the next year and had a beautiful daughter. We became married, parents AND homeowners in 2013. Sheesh, talk about blessings after blessings once you have God first in your life!
Oh, I have a Master’s degree even though I was literally over school and having student debt. But I did it and graduated with a 3.9 (I am very proud of that). I started my blog years ago and I am finally running it full-time now. And I wrote and self-published my first book after years of putting it on hold. So yes, I can finally say I am my own boss and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Oh, I forgot to mention I have traveled more than I could ever imagine. Places that I dreamed of I got to go and I have plenty more places that I want to go that are in my near future!
Man, so much has happened in my 20’s, I will be here all day talking your head off. Although I have had more good times than bad, I experienced some unfortunate situations that at one point, I wanted to end it all and leave this earth. I had no idea that I was going to get kicked out of my house (which is why I moved to Maryland with my sister because I had nowhere to go). Gosh, heartbreak after heartbreak. Still not feeling loved or wanted by my own father, experienced the worst thing any female could endure: rape, a miscarriage and other stuff that had an emotional and mental effect on me. As I look back, I am learning that ALL of this was apart of my story and is apart of MY journey.
Do I have regrets? Ehh sure who doesn’t? Although I was caught by surprise at some of things that occurred (good and bad) God wasn’t surprised. He knows my beginning and my end so none of those things caught him by surprise. I’m sure nothing in my future will catch him by surprise as well. He knew I would fail, prosper, hit rock bottom and etc. But the fact that he still loves me and has given me a second chance to get my life right, forgive myself and others and bless me beyond my wildest dreams, I am just in awe. His grace is truly sufficient and I feel so honored that He could still love and show favor and mercy upon someone who was messed up, seriously a HOT MESS, broken internally and suffered in silence for years.
As I approach 30, I am leaving this novel behind. I will never forget where I come from or what I’ve been through. But I want to continue to be stronger, wiser and continue to live my best life. I didn’t go through a bunch of hell just to continue to suffer in my sorrows and dwell on my past. Been there, done that, now I am washing my hands clean of that. I’m sure the devil and others who want to see me down would love to see me defeated and not prosper. But I am more than a conqueror and I always WIN.
This is a daily battle that I have to fight because it is so easy to want to break down and try to change what has happened. But I am not at that place anymore. I don’t want to deal with things of the past and I certainly don’t want to go back. I’ve come too far from where I was to move backward. I’m going to continue to rise above it all, break generational curses and be a better me than I was this year and years before.
Chapter 29 is the glow-up (the warm-up) year for my 30’s. So I am going to live my best life this year and enter my 30’s fearless, unstoppable and unbreakable. I am going to continue to seek and keep God first always, continue to seek therapy to help keep me on the right path, and seriously live my best life! I’m leaving toxic habits, relationships and friendships (family included) behind because I am very protective when it comes to my space and the energy I allow in it. I don’t need OR want negative vibes or energy in my life anymore. I am going to make sure that I am taking care of myself internally and externally. And I am going to walk into Chapter 30 a brand new and improved me.
Sorry if that bothers or offends anyone. Life is too short to still be the same hot mess year after year. Doing the same old habits, hanging around toxic people and not living life is going to slow you down and keep you stuck. I refuse to leave this earth and not fulfill my purpose because I didn’t want to change or lose people in my life. The only thing in life that is consistent is change (#remix). And I’m all for God blessing me with bigger and better.
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So cheers to Chapter 29. Chapter 30, I promise you once I get there, you’re going to love who I have become and what I accomplish then! Don’t believe me, just watch! #29AndStillFine