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Hey, beautiful people! If you are following me on Instagram and YouTube, then you know I’ve been sharing about my 2nd miscarriage. Not only has opening up about it been therapeutic but the love and support I’ve been getting from opening up has been amazing in spite of this tragic situation. I thought I would come on here and share a few things that this miscarriage has taught me, especially when it comes to your body. So let’s talk about it, shall we?
If you are new here, hi and hello! I’m Chris and I’m so glad to have you here. We experienced our 2nd miscarriage last month. The first one was back in March 2017 at 9 weeks and this was at 10 weeks and started on New Years Day after hearing there wasn’t a heartbeat back during the week of Christmas. Talk about a sad holiday season, right? I will warn you this may be a little graphic or uncomfortable but these are realities that most don’t talk about. So I want to be one of those to share because it’s an emotional yet traumatizing reality for most, including myself. It has been exactly a month today when the heavy bleeding and passing of the baby officially started and gosh it’s hard to think back on how devastating the past month has been. From the depressing ultrasounds to the hospital visits to the heavy bleeding…it’s been a lot. But I’ll tell you what. This situation has opened my eyes to A LOT and that’s why I felt lead in my heart to share because it’s been a wake-up call for me. So here are a few things this miscarriage has taught me:
- Everything, including a miscarriage, happens for a reason. In the moment of experiencing a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, it’s hard to grasp and understand that but when it is all said and done, it really does happen for a reason. Miscarriages are out of our control. It is nothing we did, ate, or said that causes it. Most times it’s due to abnormalities or defects that occur within. Or sometimes, it’s just not the right time. When we experienced our first miscarriage, I was so depressed, angry, mad at God to keep it real, and just heartbroken. Miscarriages weren’t a topic that was discussed in my family or with people I knew so I didn’t know what to expect, what to do, or even how to feel. So I felt how I felt and got through it. From what we found out, the baby stopped growing two weeks before it happened and then my body just did its thing. But soon after, it seems like blessings were coming my way. I started feeling better emotionally and physically, my husband and I traveled to Costa Rica and had THE best time, and then a couple of months later, we were pregnant again and our Baby Boy was born in the exact month a year later that we experienced the loss. Talk about a full circle…whew!
Even though it’s been a month since experiencing this loss, I know it happened for a reason and there WILL be blessings after this storm. From what we know this time around, what was implanted in me would not have formed into a baby. I fully explain it in my life update video HERE but pretty much the cells were implanted in me but due to it having abnormal chromosomes, it wouldn’t have developed into a fetus. Unfortunately, my body assumed I was pregnant (like growing a baby because I was experiencing all of the symptoms like CRAZY) and rejected it super late and that’s what happened. So in hindsight, it’s reassuring because I thought it was because I was stressed or something I ate or did for the baby to pass. But nothing would’ve formed and that’s just the reality of it. So everything does happen for a reason.
2) Be an advocate for your body! If there is anything that you all learn from me, it is to listen to your body, okay?! This is one of the biggest lessons for many reasons that this miscarriage has taught me and I’m glad because I NEEDED it. For one, 2020 was a stressful and trying year for most of us. Going from living a normal life to the world shutting down and having to stay indoors for months. And if you’re a parent or guardian, you know how it’s been with kids being at home. Whew. For most of last year, I was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained in spite of the blessings that came. I was anxious more than I’ve ever been, I questioned life and so many other things. I could tell my body was going through it with all of the unknown and unexpected things that occurred in 2020. Then to experience two losses at the end of the year, was just too much at that point. So I made a promise to myself this year that no matter what, I am going to take better care of myself! And not just say it, but actually do it! And so far, even in the midst of miscarrying, I am being intentional about it and I’m so proud of the progress I am making so far. I will do a separate post on the changes I’ve made and been making once I stick with it longer but I notice a major difference in how I’m thinking, feeling and etc.
Now this here is why I want you to be an advocate for your body. I know most doctors are experts to a certain extent, but we have to listen to our bodies. We are spiritual beings living inside of a physical body and we can feel and tell (if you’re in tune with your discernment or spiritual guide like I am) and you just know when something isn’t right. Long story short, two weeks ago, I was rushed to the ER for numbness and heart palpitations. Then the following week, I started experiencing heavy bleeding and more clots (it was starting to slow down two days prior). I didn’t feel like it was my period because that usually comes weeks later after you have passed everything. So I called my doctor to inform her of that and the assistant said the same…it could be my period but I would need a negative pregnancy test for my cycle to come back. Even though I was going through this miscarriage naturally, inside I kept getting the urge to ask for the medication so I did because I knew I wasn’t “done”. So after me having to call and ask multiple times, I finally got it and took it. Two hours later, so much blood and medium-big sized clots started to come out. Like how was all of this still inside of my body? How was this possible if the bleeding was starting to slow down? But then I thought about those urges I was getting to ask for the medication. I needed it because my body wasn’t done removing all of the leftover parts in me.
What if I didn’t listen to my body and ignored that little voice? Leftover parts in your body post-miscarriage are known to cause more harm and future issues if you decide to try again. That’s why most women go with the DNC to get it all removed. It’s like throughout this experience, I had to be the one to step up and say look, I know what I’m talking about and what I’m feeling. Just trust me. And boom, problem solved. After that, it was heavy bleeding and more bleeding and more clots and so on and so forth. So I say all of this to say, whenever you FEEL something wrong or not right within, it’s for a reason and you should be vocal about it. Since knowing about Black Maternal Health and knowing what goes on, it’s a scary reality but a wake-up call for us to stand our ground, speak our peace, and demand what we feel is right and will work for our bodies!
And the 3rd thing: There will be a blessing after this storm! I had to say this again because it is a reminder that I am holding on to in the midst of this storm! God truly gives us beauty for our ashes and He will restore what was lost. Whether it be a healthy baby soon after or something else, GOD WILL COME THROUGH! I’ve seen him do it and I believe that He will do it again! So it may feel like all hope is lost and like you’re in the middle of a tough time but know that it WON’T last always! There will be a rainbow after this storm and I’m declaring the same for you as well! I hope this was encouraging and inspiring. And if you’ve experienced any loss, let me know so I can give you a virtual hug and pray for you. Just know you are not alone and it happens to more women than we think. But this too shall pass and things will get better move forward!