This is a topic that I thought I would never have the courage to talk about. I never saw the day where I, someone who is always happy, bubbly and overly optimistic having to seek therapy. But here I am, at 31-years-old sharing with the world why I attend therapy and how beneficial it has been for my mental health.
I’m sure when you hear the word “therapy”, you probably assume that the person is crazy, has issues, is psycho, and other negative assumptions. To be honest, I used to think somewhat of the same…until I realized that I was in dire of it for myself. Honestly, I think that we ALL, women AND men are in dire need of it or some form of counseling. We are human and we aren’t exempt from the troubles of this world. You can be the nicest and most hardworking person in the world but that won’t exempt you from experiencing tribulations.
In some cases, some tribulations are very traumatic and affect how we process and handle things on a day to day basis. We tend to sweep things under the rug or keep it bottled in out of fear of being judged, talked about or looked at as a liar. Whatever the case may be, I think that we all need someone to talk to to help us process and handle things better and release those internal battles out to the surface. And not just talk about it to your friends or family, but to a professional who can provide extensive strategies that will help you navigate in a healthy way on a daily basis.
I don’t want this to be super long so we’ll just jump into this. What prompted me to seek therapy for my mental health was after I had my firstborn. In ONE YEAR, my life changed for the better. I became a wife, mother, AND homeowner all in a matter of a year. Talk about blessings after blessings after blessings. However, months after having my firstborn, I noticed my moods and emotions were all over the place.
One minute I was so happy and bubbly, next minute I would burst out into tears. One minute, I was happy to be a stay at home mom, next minute I was depressed because I was getting job denial letters every day. It was like little things were triggering me but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why this was happening. Don’t get me wrong, I was SUPER thankful for all that happened for me but I just didn’t know what was going on with my emotions. That’s when I realized I had Postpartum Depression. After realizing that, I noticed that it was something deeper than that.
Over time, watching the local news and certain shows like Law And Order: SVU, started to trigger me. There were shootings, robberies, sexual assaults, hit and runs every day on the news and it started to bug me for some reason. As a new mom, I started feeling VERY anxious, super paranoid as if those things would happen to me or my daughter, heck even my husband and those close to me. Like my mind was in a negative headspace (despite all of the blessings that came into my life) and always assumed the worse and I didn’t know why! Then, I started having flashbacks of traumatic things that I encountered in the past (Some I mentioned HERE on this blog post) that I swept under the rug and never dealt with.
Growing up, I was always taught to pray about everything, give it to God, or don’t worry about it. I did that and still do to this day. But I realized that there were some deeply rooted issues within that was the cause of my triggers and something needed to be done. Years later, I realized that those internal worries and anxiety hadn’t gone away and I was at my breaking point. I couldn’t live like this anymore. Like, I couldn’t pour into people and keep them encouraged while all of these internal issues and bondage were going on. I remember telling my husband that I needed professional help. I was (and still am) in a healthy and amazing marriage and I didn’t want to jeopardize that with my mood swings and triggers.
Fast forward, I bit the bullet and finally researched different mental health professionals around the Baltimore area. I found a place in Baltimore County that had great reviews, that accepted our insurance and had Black Therapists on staff. In my first session, I didn’t know what to expect or how it was going to go. My first thought was “I’m about to share personal issues with a dag on stranger. What if she tells my business? Or, What if she doesn’t care? What if this doesn’t work out?” Yep, I was already assuming the worse..go figure.
I didn’t know how sharing my business with a stranger was going to go. I had “old friends” that I trusted with my business and they literally ruined that by sharing it so I always kept things bottled in from that point. But to my surprise, it was better than I expected. Yes, I did cry (every session was like a waterworks show) especially sharing things that I never thought that I would open about. But I felt like this big relief and I didn’t feel “triggered” after that. It was very weird but a good weird.
What really confirmed that I made the right decision starting therapy was when my therapist at the time spoke an encouraging word over me. She mentioned how my story was something that needs to be told. It could bring healing to others around the world. I remember her saying that I should be a motivational speaker to women and girls. At that moment, I thought to myself what? I have a stuttering problem. I don’t want to be judged or humiliated because of my issues. How can I be a motivational speaker with all of these issues?! Crazy enough, I’ve heard that so many times from friends and others before. But to hear that from a stranger was kind of mind-blowing.
Long story short, our schedules conflicted with each other so we had to part ways. I was heartbroken because I felt like I was finally getting the help I needed but everything happened for a reason. To our surprise, right after we parted ways, we found out weeks later that we were moving to Texas so I guess the timing was right. The lessons that I learned in that short period pushed me to want to continue seeking therapy. Once we moved, that was one of the first things I did, find a new therapist. I knew with us being far away from family and friends, I still needed help with my issues. Not only my issues but also to cope with being far away from everything and everyone we loved.
December 2019, I celebrated my one-year anniversary of consistently going to therapy. I couldn’t believe that I was survived a whole year of going, y’all. It was literally one of the hardest things (besides having two natural births LOL) I’ve ever done for myself. Having to relive traumatic moments weekly, deal with my triggers, facing reality and not running from it, living in my truth and actually doing the work to be in a better mental space. All in all, I thank God for working everything out. From finding a therapist that took our insurance, that could really help me and other factors, He worked it all out for me.
From that, I’m in a much better place mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I no longer have a victim mentality. I don’t “feel bad” for what I went through because it was all apart of my story in life. I’m more forgiving than I was before. I would “say” I forgive myself or people, but internally I really didn’t. But now, I do from a spiritual and mental place. I’m not easily triggered like I was before. Granted, I do worry at times. I have kids so I’m going to worry at times. But as far as thinking the worse all the time or feeling like someone is after me all of the time, those thoughts have come to a minimum, unless I’m watching the news often lol.
I say all of this to say, if you are thinking about seeking therapy or feel like you’re in need of it, let this be the confirmation you need to do it. I don’t know about you but I want to be a better person. I’m not perfect but as I’m getting older, I want to live a healthier and better life. Not only for me but for the sake of my little family, loved ones and those connected to me. I want my life to be a light in the world and a testament to God’s faithfulness. I refuse to be stagnant, complacent or allow things or people to stunt my growth. And if my life can be the push you need to desire change in your life, then I am fulfilling my purpose in life!
You are not crazy for seeking help or wanting help. As humans, we endure different things in life, whether it be losing a loved one, abuse, or feeling depressed, we all need help in some way. You are doing what is right for the well-being of yourself and others around you. Even if you didn’t experience anything traumatic or harmful, you can still benefit from therapy. You will be surprised how beneficial it is to have a professional assist you with the tools you need to maneuver through this life in a healthy way. If you’re thinking about it, here’s how you can start:
- Decide if you’re seriously going to do it or not. I know a lot of people especially social media talk about therapy and how it’s working for them. Yes, that’s great but don’t do just because you see everyone else doing it. This is not a trend. This is a life-changing experience that takes WORK but truly helps you. If you want to do it because it seems like the thing to do, then don’t do it. But if you have internal or deeply rooted issues that you need guidance with, or need someone to give you professional guidance, therapy is for you.
- Research different therapists, counselors or clinicians in your area. I recommend going to psychologytoday.com, betterhelp.com, therapyforblackgirls.com or going to a local health department for referrals. If you prefer a woman, look for that. If you prefer a black woman, look for that. Find who will be a great fit for you. Don’t settle for just anyone. Make sure you can trust this person and that you can build a healthy relationship and boundaries with this person.
- Make sure that you can afford it. Therapy sessions aren’t cheap. Some can range from $50-$150 A SESSION. So that means every time you go in, you’re going to pay a pretty penny for it. If you do have insurance, see if they have mental health services and how much the co-pay will be. That way the insurance company will pay for the majority of your session. If you are on government assistance, most insurance will cover your sessions and your transportation. I suggest that you look at your plan and check to see if that is offered to you.
There is so much I can say on this topic, but I think your eyes have had enough of reading for today. As stated, I hope that my reasoning for seeking therapy for my mental health will inspire you to do the same. For clarification, I do pray daily, and seek God first! God is my main man forever but He lead me to do this. I can do a video or blog post about Christians seeking therapy if you want! Even if you’re a counselor or help people on a daily, you can benefit from it as well. We all need an unbias opinion to help us. I thank God for creating people to have a heart and mind for this occupation. I truly commend therapists, clinicians, counselors or anyone that does this for a living. You are truly a gem and a blessing.
Let me know if you’re in therapy or looking to try therapy soon. Let’s talk about it down below! 🙂